Awkward Assembly!
All day today, I was put into an offly familiar circumstance. Perhaps you can relate?
The door-hold. Oh my, how incredibly awkward each and every time. You open the door, realize there's someone behind you, and are left to make an instantaneous decision. Are they close enough to deserve a respectful door hold or are they just far enough to fend for themselves? You could be a couple of people in this situation...
1. The Eyevoider. A solid persona to undertake, it's especially great for those of you with an easily guilty conscious. The key here is to avoid eye contact. Whether you hold the door or not, it's ten times worse if you've looked them in the eyes. If you hold the door, it's as if they mean something to you - all of a sudden it's more than a courtesy, it's a gesture. If you don't hold the door you may as well have slapped them in the face with it, because now you've measured them, and the innocent are left to believe you genuinely didn't think they deserved it. How horrible of you. Don't make eye contact, and at least you'll be sacrificed the awfulness of meeting your victim.
2. The Hustler. Pretty straight forward, this method is fantastic for anyone who loves being selfish. Rather than making the decision on the spot, the hustler already has his decision made, every single time. He never holds the door. He plows through, without as much as glancing at another human being. Be him, and people will either loathe you or assume you're extremely important (who else would constantly be in a rush?)
3. The Handler. This is for the weak of heart, who can never let go of the handle. Again, rather than ever making an on the spot decision, this individual has a predetermined fate. They will always hold the door. My only further advice would be to wear gloves (and maybe look into a career as a doorman/woman)
4. If all else fails, there's always the 'hold for as long as possible without ever actually stopping' approach. You never turn your head, yet you assume someone is always right behind you. If someone is behind you, hooray, you've just been a kind human being! If not, you've successfully made the effort without losing any time.
Good luck out there.
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This happened today...lol
ReplyDeleteI take issue with this post for the following reasons.
ReplyDelete1. You automatically assumed awkwardness for a situation that has yet to happen. (Clearly I am aware that this may be based on previous situations. Regardless...) That is a fundamental flaw in mindset that will ultimately lead to added stress in ones life (and potential hospital stays). Awkward situations do not exist on their own or even conditionally, they are created by people of, perhaps, a weaker mental capacity as an attempt to write off or account for their lack of social and/or intellectual prowess in certain situations. That being said, there is no need to assume or presume awkwardness, and, in fact, by doing so you are setting the stage for a less than brilliant performance in a part of what many identify as everyday life.
2. The tone of this post seems to suggest that any of the above 4 (or at least 3 of them) are acceptable ways of handling this sinfully premeditated awkward situation. While I will acknowledge the existence of these types and am impressed with your rather exceptional portrayal of each I believe as a lover (which I presume you are) that you should not treat each persona as an equal. I would guess you like to hold the doors for everyone--I do as well--and find the glorification (present in your post) of things like "The Hustler" repulsive.
3. Gay marriage is wrong.
Thank you.
I take issue with your comment for the following reasons:
ReplyDelete1. I would be astonished to know that you Mr.Kid, have never felt "awkward" in this exact scenario before. I believe it to be one of the most quintessential defintions of day to day awkwardness. Your egocentric spill of webster's finest vocabulary was fun to navigate, but it seems to me like you're pedestal is teetering. You are no stranger to the awkward chill of discontent. If you are admittedly guilty from time to time, than your rant seems a bit hippocritical, no? Yet if you maintain this immunity to any and all awkwardness - well it comes off a bit narcisstic. I'm a lover. I do hold doors on a more-than-average basis, though I'm also no foreigner to approach number four. I'm human. I do agree however, that often (but not always) we do create the awkwardness ourselves. It's a tension we make tighter than it necessarily needs to be. Perhaps you'll hang a sign of flawed mentality on my back, but you sir, wear a cape of vanity.
2.My tone was impartial. This blog is about relativity. I don't know all the nooks and crannies to my followers, and so I lay out all possible roles they may choose to fill. The hustler - though repulsive - is realistic.
3. Really?
4. You would have left such a comment.
You spelled hypocritical "hippocritical." I rest my case.
ReplyDelete